Messy first, everything else later.

You walk into the shop. Browse, browse, browse. Pick up, put down. Tick off the list. Grab yourself a treat in the queue for the checkout. You place your items on the conveyor belt. The little barrier between what's yours and what's theirs reaches the cashier. Bomp. It's your turn. Casually, you smile, greet them. After packing those newly claimed items away, you exchange cash and pleasantries before wheeling your trolley and yourself out the door.

Easy, right?

For many, yes. For some, not so much. Whatever it may be for you, all of us have something to fear. Take for example the food shop. For many, this day-to-day activity is a completely and utterly avoided event, that seldom takes place. Or going for a job interview. What was once invented to pick the right candidate for a role, has become something leaving many with the same racing heart that would manifest in a bear attack. And who on Earth would want to fight a bear on a semi-regular basis (or at all).

For me, it's flying. Getting on that huge metal aircraft. Safety demonstrations for a possible doom. Being thrown back in your seat as the plane blasts into the sky, up, up, up. 10 years. It took me 10 years — a whole decade — to get on a plane again. At one point, I genuinely wondered if I would ever do it again in my lifetime. But every time, even just the idea, filled me with an immense sense of dread.

I don't have some life-changing, ultra inspiring advice to give you here about how I overcame my fear. It wasn't like that. A plus B did not equal C. What I can tell you, is that a completely different set of life experiences that forced me to sit with my fear and discomfort, made me realise that I could experience that — and still survive. Many people think a fear of flying is a fear of dying in a plane crash. While that may be one element, it wasn't the whole thing. Like for those whose worst fear is going up to that conveyor belt with their items, or whose idea of a living nightmare is in-person interview rounds on repeat. What you fear is one thing, but fear of feeling fear is often the secret aspect lying beneath it.

Ok, so I'm not recommending just jumping on a plane and throwing yourself into a full blown panic. In fact, I'm not recommending anything. The message I am trying to convey is:

Straight away we often think of worst case scenarios. We may think of how we will be perceived by others to be a blubbering mess in the local shop, airport, or office. But if you need to blubber, have at it. We can sit, reflect, and process our fears — and we should. But many people find themselves stuck in that loop — and that's when that spiral stops feeling like one of growth, and instead one that keeps leading you back to square one. If you want that loop to break into a spiral, try doing something different. Even if it goes badly. Even if it isn't perfect. Even if it feels messy. Then we come back to the drawing board: review, learn, and go again.

Messy first, everything else later. After all, how did we once learn to eat?