Who am I outside of who I am to everyone else?

Dear unknown person, I am writing to you today to find out more. I'm interested and intrigued to learn about what makes you, you.

I hear you take on a lot of roles. I bet they're really important. It sounds like those roles really help out other people in your life, whether that be at work, at home, with friends, family, or elsewhere. I wonder how you feel about your roles?

I wonder if you enjoy them. Not if it's ok, not if it's bearable. If you genuinely enjoy that role. I wonder if the others who benefit from your role appreciate it? I wonder if others see past your role, the human behind it. And if they do, how would they describe the person they meet?

If you took all these roles away from you, I wonder what would be left standing. Can you, yourself, tell me about that? If these questions have left you feeling lost, confused, perhaps sad, even angry — that is okay.

Many people have grown up being taught that who they are, is who they are to other people. The people-pleaser. The good boy or girl. The one who needs or wants for nothing. The good listener. The reliable one. Somewhere as you got older, you took on or were prescribed these different roles. Suddenly, you're "important job title", "'Daisy's' Mum", or "'Richard's' carer". And all those things you were raised to be, slotted perfectly into these adult roles. But at the end of the day, you're left wondering:

This is a ginormous question. One that cannot be simply answered, solved, and put to bed. Perhaps there is no one answer. But a lot of people haven't even got one.

Whilst these roles may be important, they should not thrive at the expense of you knowing yourself. You deserve to explore who it is you might be, to think about who you have been, and who you might want to be in the future. You deserve to have the contentment and peace of having an identity. You deserve to feel proud of who you are.

The journey of self-discovery is not an easy one. Therapy can help us to hold a space devoted to just you. A space to explore, discover, question, and consider your identity. A space to process what made you feel you need to please everyone but yourself. To process any fears, worries, or doubts you may have about taking steps closer to yourself. To process anything you may feel shame or guilt about, and perhaps bring them into the whole, complex human you (and we all) are.

So, unknown person, I look forward to hearing all about you. Let me know whenever you are ready.

Warm regards, Alice